69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
