dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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