thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
