i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Randomize
