I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
