I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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