Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
