I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
