She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
