Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
