Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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