my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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