I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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