I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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