I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
