I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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