Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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