K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize
