i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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