i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
