Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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