I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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