I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
