when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
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