he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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