i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
