Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
