the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
