She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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