How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
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