it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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