it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
