I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
