Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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