But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Randomize
