I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
