i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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