Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
