Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
