i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
