her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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