He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
