They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
