You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
