Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
