69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
