Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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