you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize