i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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