Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
