Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
