Will you blow on my dice?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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