There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
ok first of all what the fuck
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
