just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize