I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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