Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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