2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i will never coherently bang her
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
bring money and cleavage
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
