and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
