$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
