I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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