Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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