She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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