You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I currently don't understand fingers.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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