One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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